ADHD: Debilitating Condition or A Secret Superpower You Never Knew You Had?
ADHD is the hot topic of today’s episode, and Ron is the brave soul taking us through his journey. He dives deep into the not-so-fun parts of being diagnosed with ADHD, like the cringe-worthy moments when he had to decide whether to disclose his diagnosis or keep it under wraps like a dirty secret. Spoiler: keeping it in doesn’t work out so well. He shares how society’s stigma can feel like a weight on your shoulders, and the pressure from well-meaning folks telling you not to disclose your ADHD is downright absurd. Ron’s mission? To help introverted men over 40 break through the barriers of isolation and learn to express themselves. And trust me, he’s got some hilarious stories to back it up.
Throughout the chat, Ron unpacks the misconceptions surrounding introversion and extroversion, throwing shade at the idea that introverts don’t enjoy socializing. Let’s set the record straight: we don’t hate people; we just prefer meaningful connections over superficial chit-chat that makes us want to gouge our eyes out. He talks about how deep conversations recharge him, while small talk drains his batteries faster than a cheap phone charger. It’s a refreshing take that challenges the stereotypes we often see plastered all over social media. Also, he hits us with the harsh truth: ADHD isn’t a flaw; it’s just a different operating system. And honestly, who wouldn’t want a little variety in their mental hardware?
As the conversation rolls on, Ron shines a light on the broken systems that often leave neurodivergent individuals feeling out of place. He argues for kindness and compassion—because let’s face it, the world could use a little more of that. He advocates for workplace inclusivity and understanding, suggesting that when we see each other as human beings rather than labels, we can start to build a world that embraces differences. So if you ever thought you were alone in your struggles, think again! Ron’s here to tell you that not only is it okay to be different, but it’s also a superpower. And if we can learn to communicate our needs better, we can create a society that uplifts everyone. It’s a powerful reminder that we’re all in this together, and sharing our stories can lead to understanding and healing. So buckle up and get ready to embrace the glorious madness of neurodiversity!
Takeaways:
- Coming out about having ADHD can feel scary, especially when people tell you to hide it.
- The education system often overlooks the specific needs of neurodivergent individuals, making it hard for them to thrive.
- Understanding ADHD means recognizing it as a different operating system, not a flaw in the person.
- Communication is key; if we can talk about our struggles, we can collaborate to find solutions.
- Introverts can enjoy social interactions, but they need to recharge afterward—it's all about balance.
- Creating an inclusive environment starts with kindness and empathy, and advocating for neurodiversity awareness.
Transcript
It's a scary thing to come out and say I have adhd because in the beginning, like all the people in my life were telling me you shouldn't disclose that.
Speaker A:You know, like I said, with the system being broken, like, I'm upset with the system.
Speaker A:I'm not upset with mainly the people in the system because they're just part of it, you know, and they're doing the best they can because, like, if I hold it in and bury it, it's just going to come out in an explosive way that I not want.
Speaker B:Welcome back to another episode of the Breaking Point podcast.
Speaker B:Today we are here with Ron.
Speaker B:Is it sours?
Speaker A:Yes, that's perfect.
Speaker B:Ron sows the second.
Speaker B:And Ron, we're basically going to talk about ADHD today, everyone.
Speaker B:And Ron is going to give his experience and what he's up to and talk about various sort of questions that I've got about ADHD in particular and also Ron as a person.
Speaker B:So Ron, why don't you tell people what it is that you're up to in this adventure that you're on?
Speaker A:Well, so currently, you know, I help guys that are introverted over 40 that deal with, you know, struggle with ADHD, depression or addiction.
Speaker A:And I help them to, to break through barriers of isolation to become more pro social so that they can build deeper relationships, you know, they can reclaim their confidence and, you know, feel seen, finally feel seen and supported.
Speaker A:Also like that it unlocks the version of them that's always been there waiting to connect.
Speaker A:Because if you can't say what you need to say, you can never get what you truly want.
Speaker A:And the social aspect of it is something that's key because I'm an introvert and I never thought that being social was like something that I needed or even wanted.
Speaker A:Because what I've learned is that being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't like to have interactions.
Speaker A:It's just, it's just how I recharge.
Speaker A:Like I've only got like a limited battery to be social before.
Speaker A:I'm like, I need, I need some alone time.
Speaker A:I, you know, isolation isn't like a bad thing.
Speaker A:It's just if, if that's your go to and you don't know how to speak about what, what is truly going on.
Speaker A:Because a lot of individuals a with ADHD struggle with being able to talk about like what's going on emotionally, that they actually have it, you know, and that can create a lot of barriers, you know, especially in, in relationships and particularly at work.
Speaker A:So that's one area that I've really seen a lot of improvement on since I've, I've.
Speaker A:You know what, whatever I coach, I always implement in my personal life first.
Speaker B:I think that's a really important distinction to make about introversion and extroversion.
Speaker B:People often think that introverts don't like spending time around people and extroverts love spending time around people, which is true to some degree.
Speaker B:Well, actually, the first problem, the first misconception they have is that extrovert people like people.
Speaker B:People is specifically individuals as such.
Speaker B:It isn't that extra people like people as individuals is that extra people like social dynamics and they like social.
Speaker B:The, I don't know, the vibe or the atmosphere of a social gathering, they thrive off of that, but not the specific individuals as such they're engaging in.
Speaker B:I'm, I'm pretty introverted and you can meet someone who's very extroverted and you, you think, oh my God, this person's great.
Speaker B:They really, we get on, they really like me.
Speaker B:And then it.
Speaker B:And you scratch a little bit beneath the surface or you sort of spend some more time with them and you realize actually they don't have any interest in you.
Speaker B:They're just interested.
Speaker B:They were, they were interested in the fact that you were present during a social occasion.
Speaker B:And that's the part of you that, that's what they found interesting is about you, not actually you as a person.
Speaker B:Whereas agreeableness, which is another personality trait, that's actually what determines people.
Speaker B:How interested people are, how interested you are in people as individuals, not extroversion.
Speaker B:So that's the first thing.
Speaker B:The second thing is use the word recharging.
Speaker B:That's absolutely spot on.
Speaker B:I don't know if it's as clear cut as in theory it is, but I don't know if it is.
Speaker B:Introverted people regenerate through time alone and they find time with people.
Speaker B:Well, it probably comes back to what I just said.
Speaker B:It's not people as such, it's the social landscape.
Speaker B:They find the social landscape tiring.
Speaker B:I think I'm a bit like that.
Speaker B:I could find the social landscape tiring, but I can find, yeah, energizing.
Speaker B:Do you understand why?
Speaker B:Did you get that?
Speaker A:Yeah, I feel I totally understand.
Speaker A:And, and it's like, I don't think it's really the conversations per se.
Speaker A:Like, like, I feel like it's the dynamic and the depth of it because if I'm having a deep conversation that actually energizes me more than like having like basic small talk.
Speaker A:About, like, the weather and like, what show or unless I'm really interested in that, or, like, especially complaining without having a solution.
Speaker A:Because you do need to have a degree of complaining and like, what you talked about with extroversion, like, I used to, like, really get annoyed, you know, like, physically annoyed with God.
Speaker A:Like, especially extreme actors averts because, like, I didn't understand that they just needed to talk.
Speaker A:Like, that's how they recharge and, and that's how they get along.
Speaker A:I didn't understand that until I went over that with my therapist.
Speaker A:So it's like, now I'm using my therapy to understand more other, like, neurodivergent behaviors and how to, like, see that as, like, well, they're not doing this because they, like, they're trying to annoy me.
Speaker A:They're doing this because that's just how their brain's wired.
Speaker A:So it gives me, like, a lot more empathy for these other people and just like, the fact that I'm trying to practice, like, kindness and I'm trying to develop this, especially at work.
Speaker B:When did you first, like, come across the idea of adhd?
Speaker B:And where did you first think maybe that's something that impacts me or could be impacting me?
Speaker A:Yeah, I definitely.
Speaker A:ADHD is one thing that, like, I did.
Speaker A:I. I was diagnosed when I was younger, as a child, and I didn't really recall it a lot.
Speaker A:Remembered it after my, you know, mom had told me about it when I got re diagnosed.
Speaker A:So what ended up happening is that they wanted to put me on Ritalin and my dad was like, no, that's not gonna happen.
Speaker A:That was like, the end of the story.
Speaker A:That was the end of the discussion.
Speaker A:Like, we never talked about ADHD ever again after that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, and I can understand, like, that, but, you know, I started having trouble, like, slowing down at work and.
Speaker A:And to the point where, like, my job was in jeopardy.
Speaker A:So, you know, luckily I had an individual, a friend in my life that was like, you know, they continue to tell me that maybe I need to look into that, maybe I need to slow down.
Speaker A:And, you know, I was just scared.
Speaker A:So I went to my primary care and was like, you know what?
Speaker A:Like, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm having trouble slowing down.
Speaker A:I don't know what it is.
Speaker A:You know, I kind of had to force feed them, like, maybe this is adhd.
Speaker A:And then they finally gave me a list of people that I can call to talk about it.
Speaker A:And I ended up finding a psychotherapist, which I continue to see to this day.
Speaker A:That was telling me that I have adhd, because I thought I was in the impression that I maybe grew out of that.
Speaker A:And I feel like I'm not alone in that.
Speaker A:But ADHD is, it isn't like a problem.
Speaker A:It's, it's just from what I've learned and, and when I first discovered it, there was, it was confusing at best.
Speaker A:Even my therapist wasn't able to really give me a clear cut answer about what it really is.
Speaker A:So I had to do a lot of research just to discover it and understand it.
Speaker A:And I'm continuing to learn that it's not actually a problem.
Speaker A:It's, it's just a different way.
Speaker A:It's a different operating system.
Speaker B:That was one of the, that's one of the quotes that I'm looking at or the, one of the statements I'm looking at now.
Speaker B:What do you mean when you say it's a different operating system?
Speaker B:What does that mean to you?
Speaker A:So like, I kind of use this analogy a lot and it's like we all have different hair colors, different skin colors, different fingerprints, different, like why wouldn't we have different brains?
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Especially the complexity and, and, and scientists are still don't even know how that like actually works.
Speaker A:So it's like why wouldn't we have different, like the way that things develop, you know, like in particularly, what I've learned is like the prefrontal cortex, like the, the part of the brain that makes executive decisions, you know, like how to plan, how to like what, what you need to do throughout the day, how to, how to judge time, all those things is, is extremely underdeveloped in most ADHD brains.
Speaker A:But the other part of the brains that like, that's more creative, you know, is, is super developed.
Speaker A:So that's what I'm talking about with like when it comes to superpowers like we, we, we have the ability to think outside the box.
Speaker A:We're so resilient because it takes like, we, we, we come from a place of like, minority that we've got to live in a world that's not built for us and, and mask and conform and continue to try to like, come up with ways to cope with, with those strategies, you know.
Speaker A:So, you know, like, I feel like that's the part of ADHD that's not talked about enough.
Speaker B:As in the having to comply and fit into a world that isn't designed for you.
Speaker B:Yeah, what?
Speaker A:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker B:Yeah, carry on.
Speaker A:Yeah, like it, and it doesn't necessarily have to be that Way, you know, it's.
Speaker A:It's about, you know, when you start to speak up and other companies are starting to do this is like, have neuro inclusion and, you know, really kind of understanding the difference between like somebody with ADHD and their strengths that they bring to the table or somebody with autism, you know, and how that, that can create a so much more of an inclusive environment that continues to, you know, take advantage of those skills.
Speaker A:So rather than trying to seek somebody that has all these, like, checks, all these boxes, you know, you divide all that up into what you already have by asking more inclusive questions, if that makes sense.
Speaker B:That's the key in general, to be honest.
Speaker B:That's the key to flourishing, functioning societies, working our way to maximize the attributes, the intrinsic attributes of as many individuals as possible.
Speaker B:That there's this.
Speaker B:I was watching this guy talk the other day.
Speaker B:He's talking about meritocracy.
Speaker B:And meritocracy has like a bad rap now because people think that it's unjust and unfair because a few people are successful and the majority aren't successful, which is, which is true.
Speaker B:To be fair, that is what meritocracy.
Speaker B:I mean, that's life in general across any platform.
Speaker B:You're never going to escape that.
Speaker B:But that isn't actually the purpose of meritocracy.
Speaker B:The purpose of meritocracy isn't to reward the few, the few exceptional individuals.
Speaker B:It's to effectively exploit the few exceptional individuals so that everyone else can benefit from their skills.
Speaker B:And that's the part that we forget, is that if we create a society that maximizes everyone's attributes, not only are they elevated, but the whole society is elevated.
Speaker B:So, I mean, yeah, that is absolutely the key.
Speaker B:If someone could work out how we can maximize everyone's attributes and find out what those attributes are so that we all benefit as well as they benefit, that would be a good outcome, all things considered.
Speaker A:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker B:But it's hard, isn't it?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And yeah, that's like my ADHD popping up because it's like, I don't want to forget, like, what I'm saying that that's often, like, misinterpreted as being rude.
Speaker A:So it's like being able to understand, like, those attributes and, and, and like being able to communicate that, you know, is huge.
Speaker A:One of the things that I really, really advocate for is, you know, you have these, all these individuals out there that are kind of like, told that they're like a dredge on society or they're not good enough or you're just you don't fit in and they're trying to fit in and mask.
Speaker A:So you have all these people that are say, a burden on society.
Speaker A:So instead of having that and you know, being able to empower these individuals to do tasks that may be harder for a more neurotypical person, you know, it's, it's like I related back to the illiteracy for, you know, when America, when we weren't teaching black people how to read, you know, that, that hurt everybody because when you have some, something of a burden that weighs down society.
Speaker A:But when you're able to teach these people or accommodate with these people and create a collaboration that creates and that's looking at things through strengths.
Speaker A:Like everybody has strengths and they're all different.
Speaker A:So when you're able to pinpoint and actually spot those strengths and even better call those strengths out, you can you develop that type of society, you know, but, you know, it's, it's a little more difficult than like, oh, it's a great idea because most, most systems are broken, you know, and it's easier to conform for a lot of people, you know, especially when it's, it's a scary thing to come out of, to come out and say, I have adhd.
Speaker A:Because in the beginning, like all the people in my life that I listened to were telling me like, you shouldn't disclose that, you know, because it's more about like, oh, I'm using it as an excuse.
Speaker A:It's, it's not an excuse.
Speaker A:I'm working on it.
Speaker A:If the fact is I do get distracted very easily and if I'm operating like a forklift, you know, that's, or a heavy machinery, that's, that's not in my best interest, you know, because like, my brain's just not wired for that or anyone else.
Speaker A:I'm like, I've tried to, yeah, I've literally tried to get better with being more focused.
Speaker A:It's just, it's, it's, there's a certain point that that's just not possible.
Speaker A:And I've learned that I think it hard way.
Speaker B:Yeah, no, of course.
Speaker B:I think we all, unfortunately, most people learn the hard way the bounds of their own individual temperament.
Speaker B:But it doesn't, it's not necessarily a death sentence.
Speaker B:There is.
Speaker B:Everyone's got wiggle room.
Speaker B:You just have to work on things.
Speaker B:Even if you can't become an expert at one specific thing, you can still improve to some degree.
Speaker B:And that's all we can, you know, cliched wise, that's all we can aim to do.
Speaker B:I think it is Scandinavia who have a completely different outlook on adhd, particularly with boys in school.
Speaker B:And they either report like no cases of ADHD or significantly less cases of adhd.
Speaker B:And it's basically because what we were alluding you were alluding to, they, the environment and the culture in which they place the young boys in is completely different.
Speaker B:So they spend more time outside, they spend more time doing practical things as opposed to sitting in a classroom.
Speaker B:And it does.
Speaker B:It's a really interesting topic.
Speaker B:To what degree is a disability socially constructed and to what degree is it a genuine disability?
Speaker B:And I guess you could go down any, either path and you would stumble into problems and benefits both in both directions.
Speaker B:The problem would be if you said it was socially constructed, would people would make the claim that you're diminishing someone's difficulties and you're downplaying how hard it can be.
Speaker B:But then the other, the alternative would be.
Speaker B:Well, it's an interesting concept to think that actually disability can be socially constructed.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:Well, first thing, first question, what do you think?
Speaker B:How do you think ADHD fits into that idea?
Speaker B:And secondly.
Speaker B:Well, actually, yeah, we'll just, we'll start with that.
Speaker B:That's a quite big question.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it's interesting because it's like outside the United States is like there's so much more progressed in like how, how they identify, especially in the adult area of it, you know, and there's, there's some built in cultural like aspects that really, really help to define like, or create these, these society, I would say integrations because for me, and this is just my understanding right now, is that in.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So like talking more about systems.
Speaker B:Oh yeah.
Speaker A:So like the thing about the systems is like most of them especially here in America are like broken.
Speaker A:And the thing that I feel is going to really be the game changer, which I kind of hate that term but like it's about the individuals, you know, speaking up for themselves.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's great to have these other initiatives but, but a lot of companies and systems, especially the education system in this country is almost completely being torn apart.
Speaker A:Um, so it, it's really the biggest change that you can make is through individuals and teaching these individuals how to speak up for themselves.
Speaker A:So it all really comes back to communication and that pro social like being able to talk about like here, here's what I'm struggling with.
Speaker A:Here's what, you know, what, what I could potentially need from you, like whether that's like showing up a little bit later for work because, like, my brain doesn't function right at this period.
Speaker A:But I'll.
Speaker A:I'll get the work done.
Speaker A:I just need.
Speaker A:Or maybe working from home, or maybe I need some, like, noise canceling headphones.
Speaker A:Because, like.
Speaker A:Like, for me, like, I am so sensitive to noises, you know, that like, some days it's just like, I can't even read a sentence in a book that I like because of the distractions around me and.
Speaker A:And other people don't understand that to that degree.
Speaker A:So being able to speak up about those things is a.
Speaker A:Is a tremendous.
Speaker A:Is, I feel, is going to be, you know, in creating those initiatives and creating those movements and like, following examples, like, like, there's no ad.
Speaker A:ADHD awareness thing like Pride, you know, which feels inclusive, which feels like you can come as you are.
Speaker A:And that's one of the things that, like, I kind of want to develop moving forward, like, maybe in, like, a couple years having events like that in D.C. and, and collaborating with other individuals to do events like that.
Speaker A:So it creates like a workshop, and it creates like, you know, anybody can come in or anybody with adhd, if you feel like you have it, you can come into these events and learn about, you know, maybe this might work or just feel less isolated or like you're the only one dealing with these issues.
Speaker A:Yeah, that answers your question.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's perfect.
Speaker B:And I agree.
Speaker B:I think there should be more like a neurodivergent day.
Speaker B:There probably is, to be fair.
Speaker B:There probably is an ADHD awareness or there will be an ADHD awareness state, but it just hasn't, like, penetrated the mainstream in the same way that, as you said, like, something like Pride has, which is something that.
Speaker B:Yeah, for various reasons, that's the case.
Speaker B:You said that the school system was, like, being ripped apart in your.
Speaker B:In America.
Speaker B:What do you mean by that?
Speaker A:Yeah, I mean, like, I don't know if you paid attention to the current administration.
Speaker A:You know, they've.
Speaker A:They've pretty much especially mental health initiatives and like, the National Institute on Occupational Safety and Hazards is, like, been.
Speaker A:Their budget has been cut.
Speaker A:So that's.
Speaker A:That's one of those initiatives that have been, you know, especially in the workplace that, you know, have been focusing on, you know, high suicide rates in construction workers, you know, for construction workers, and having programs to help them deal with that.
Speaker A:This.
Speaker A:This is a huge problem, and I don't understand why they're cutting these budgets, but it gives.
Speaker A:It opens up a doorway for, you know, people like me and other, you know, private organizations to fill that gap because this is something, you know, it's about humanizing.
Speaker A:You know, everybody is a person that has feelings, that wants happiness and, and doesn't want to suffer.
Speaker A:You know, if you, you can see people, you know, anybody else, like, even if they're acting crazy, even if they're like, you know, you don't understand what their, their, you know, behavior is coming from, you can still see them on a base level as like, well, I don't know what's going on with them, but I know that they got a mother.
Speaker A:I know they're their son.
Speaker A:Maybe they're a good dad.
Speaker A:Like seeing them as that person, you know, and, and these, and especially the health, I mean, the, the education system has already been like, teachers don't get paid enough, they don't have enough support.
Speaker A:And there's definitely very little when it comes to like individualized learning, you know, because like, if I'm going to sit here and listen to slides about, or somebody just drone on and on about history or math or whatever that is, like, I'm not going to learn anything.
Speaker A:I'm going to, I'm going to fail in that system.
Speaker A:But if there's like a different system where it's like more visual, hands on, where I'm watching videos or, you know, being able to participate, then, you know, towards that style, then that's, that's, that's going to be a place that I'm going to be able to thrive.
Speaker A:But they're just not given the autonomy and the financial support to be able to do that.
Speaker A:And it's been like that that way for a long time.
Speaker B:Yeah, I think the next step in the educational chain of progression will probably be some form of personalization tailoring to specific individual needs, which is obviously.
Speaker B:Well, it could be, but it breaks the current model completely, which is obviously exceptionally formulaic and sort of mass produced, so to speak.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:So the theme, the idea that keeps popping up in my mind throughout the entire conversation, or at least as part of the conversation, is you need to create a society of people that can get on sufficiently well enough with one another and share common principles and fundamentals.
Speaker B:But you also need to create one where people feel that they have autonomy and they feel they can express themselves, at least to some degree.
Speaker B:So it's a continual balancing act between those two things, working out which one takes priority at which time.
Speaker B:Do you understand what I mean when I say that?
Speaker B:Do you sort of get it?
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:How do you know?
Speaker A:It's definitely, it's definitely a huge thing.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I Think and if you, the problem you would have is if you completely personalize education is would anyone end up with the same information or is it, would anyone end up with the same outlook?
Speaker B:Which I suppose you could say is a good thing.
Speaker B:But there needs to be shared outlooks because otherwise we're just islands separated completely from one another.
Speaker A:Oh, exactly.
Speaker A:It's like those weak systems that, that we have are because people think the same way.
Speaker A:The only way to really come up with a dynamic solution is to have a diverse amount of minds looking at that problem.
Speaker A:That's why I feel like most of the research on ADHD doesn't involve actual people with adhd, you know, and, and multiple experiences and multiple like viewpoints coming in.
Speaker A:Like I believe that that research could be a lot further along if you had more individuals involved in that.
Speaker A:And there are like examples of good school systems, I can't remember exactly which country, but they actually do certain things differently.
Speaker A:Like they don't teach kids how to read until a certain age.
Speaker A:They more have the classrooms designed on play.
Speaker A:So they create this feeling of like learning is fun.
Speaker A:And the curriculum when they do read is actually like books that they want to read instead of like in America where you got to read the classics, which ends up making reading unattractive.
Speaker A:Which reading is actually when you read.
Speaker A:Those people that read are much more intelligent, much more able to be successful in what they do.
Speaker A:And the other thing that they do is they have teachers and structures around their students.
Speaker A:So the teachers teach them for like three, four years in a row.
Speaker A:So the teachers end up getting an intimate relationship with each of their students because they've been with them for three to four years and they've tried that in America, in, in I believe North Carolina.
Speaker A:I don't know if they're continuing to do that, but they've seen progression in the success of those students that continue to have like the one on one intimate relationship with their professor.
Speaker A:You know, and it's like, and have those structures like no kid left behind, which they do have in America, but it's not really actually implemented.
Speaker A:But it's like when you see a kid struggling like in those countries, they literally have the principal and like five other like people involved in that, just that one kid's education because they don't want to, they don't want to miss an opportunity.
Speaker B:Yeah, I think I often see like random social media posts about, I think I already mentioned Scandinavia.
Speaker B:I don't know why I keep bringing them up, but I think because they have quite a fresh Outlook on education.
Speaker B:And I often see random hosts about what they're getting up to and how that is impacting like the children.
Speaker B:And then obviously that has knock on effects.
Speaker B:And at the moment, America, the West in general was in quite a tumultuous place and education and children inevitably sits at the root of that because, well, you know, that is like stage one, isn't it?
Speaker B:Everything.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's their future.
Speaker B:Everything's.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:It's the future.
Speaker B:Everything sprouts from there.
Speaker B:So that's definitely something that needs to be rectified and looked at going forward.
Speaker B:Let's talk about.
Speaker A:Yeah, and I always think about me.
Speaker A:Yeah, I always think about me when I think about the children.
Speaker A:It's like I remember a time when, you know, I, I struggled with having friends.
Speaker A:I think it was in second grade.
Speaker A:And like I had like, I got on top of a desk to, and, and started screaming or whatever because I thought that would help me get friends because I was being funny.
Speaker A:So the teacher in that situation ended up discipline me and putting me in the front of the class.
Speaker A:And that ended up, you know, traumatizing me for most of my life because like, I didn't feel like, like I felt like I made a mistake.
Speaker A:Everyone was making fun of me that I wasn't worthy of having friends or being loved, you know, and I, I believe I told my mom that I just wanted to be, I wanted to disappear because like it just.
Speaker A:And that is traumatic for any kid and, and I want that to not happen to any child because no, nobody should have to go through that because that led me down a really dark path.
Speaker A:Um, you know, and, and, and I don't blame them because they just didn't have the, they didn't have the tools.
Speaker A:Nobody understood it at that point.
Speaker A:It was more about just give them some medication and they'll be okay.
Speaker A:Um, which medication does help, but it's not the end all.
Speaker A:It doesn't teach people skills.
Speaker A:It just is kind of like a life preserver until you can learn those skills.
Speaker B:And that I think that leads on to the second, my second final question, which is how do you as an individual manage your ADHD symptoms now as a fully grown man?
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker A:It's, it's a lot of different things, but I would say the main thing that I really try to get is a proper amount of sleep and a routine of mindfulness with character strengths.
Speaker A:So with the mindfulness is like, it creates this space in my day.
Speaker A:So if I don't have it, it's like I'm, I'm struggling to breathe and even with it, like, it can still be overwhelming, especially, you know, developing my own business and still working full time at my job.
Speaker A:It's like, it's, it's an incredible amount of stuff that's on my plate.
Speaker A:So I literally have days, like mental health days where I don't, I just don't focus on anything at all.
Speaker A:Like, at least work wise, where I have to develop things.
Speaker A:I also, like, use emotional regulation, which is like, if I'm feeling something, like, whether that's anger, jealousy, sadness, depression, I just do my best to just allow that feeling, allow myself to have that feeling.
Speaker A:Because we're emotional beings, you know, it's okay to feel a certain way, you know, especially if I, if I sit in it and I continue to be curious about it and I ask myself, like, where's this coming from?
Speaker A:Should I, you know, is it, is it really important that I feel this way?
Speaker A:You know, and, and if it is, then it's okay, you know, and sometimes with anger, it's like, that's, that's a huge one for me, you know, And a lot of people, it's like, that's a bad word.
Speaker A:It's like the one emotion that we're not allowed to feel or we shouldn't be feeling, but yet we feel it.
Speaker A:It's like, but it's useful and it's necessary and it's okay, you know, as long as I, I'm, I'm able to allow it to manifest in a way that's not like I'm not repressing it.
Speaker A:And, and when I, you know, sometimes I gotta yell in my car, you know, sometimes I gotta let it out because, like, if I hold it in and bury it, it's just gonna come out in an explosive way that I do not want, you know, and that, that I'll, I'll end up regretting, you know, so it's being able, and being able to channel that anger into like, you know, like, I'm angry about the way the school systems are.
Speaker A:I'm angry about, like, the way my, the way they, you know, handle neurodiversity in the workplace.
Speaker A:So I'm coming up, I'm using that anger to come up with strategies on how I can fix that.
Speaker A:So if that answers your question.
Speaker B:Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker B:And I think that's what we can.
Speaker B:That's one of the best outlooks to have when we have problems is to try.
Speaker B:And we mentioned government earlier, and you said use the Term of government retracting funding, which is allowing independent organizations, independent net sort of networks to fill the gap that the government have created.
Speaker B:And that's, you know, that's what individuals do.
Speaker B:That's like, that's the hero's journey.
Speaker B:That's like find a gap, try and plug it with what you can.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And often everyone's gap is slightly different, which means that only you and you are slightly different, which means only you yourself can, can plug the hole.
Speaker B:So in a very random metaphoric way, that's what we all got to do.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Final question.
Speaker B:How do you think society going forward in like the foreseeable manner could best start making little micro changes to help people with neurodivergence, particularly adhd, feel more welcome and appreciated?
Speaker A:Well, I feel like it's kindness.
Speaker A:It always comes back to compassion and kindness and empathy, you know, and just, just, just putting yourself in that person's shoes, you know, and seeing them as a person.
Speaker A:You know, like I said, with the system being broken, like I blame the system.
Speaker A:Like I'm upset with the system.
Speaker A:I'm not upset with mainly the people in the system because they're just, they're just part of it, you know, and they're doing the best they can.
Speaker A:So the, the, the way I can be kind is seeing them as other human beings that just don't have the tools or don't have the information.
Speaker A:It's about the more people speaking up and saying, hey, I have, I have this, I'm, I'm a little bit different.
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:How can we work together?
Speaker A:You know, it's all about that collaboration, you know, and, and creating conversations that start with I and end with we.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Like I feel this, or I think this is something that I, I struggle with.
Speaker A:Maybe we can come up with a solution together, you know, and, and opening the door to like that understanding because it's like a breakdown in communication happens on both sides.
Speaker A:So my thing is like if you could get more mental health neurodivergency training for managers, that would be, that would be one thing that would change the dynamic about how people show up, you know, because it has to start at the top, you know, for anything to.
Speaker B:Really change workforce, which would in turn would have the workspace, which in turn is like one of the fundamental aspects of people's lives.
Speaker B:So it would have a knock on effect from there.
Speaker A:It's basically people's identity here.
Speaker B:Yeah, you're right.
Speaker B:Their identity, Ron.
Speaker B:I think that's a good place to stop.
Speaker B:Where can people find you?
Speaker A:So, yeah, so if you're interested in like a free 30 minute discovery call to, you know, to work on, whatever, if you're struggling with ADHD or depression or addiction, you can go to my website.
Speaker A:It's your ADHD guy dot com.
Speaker A:I also have a free self discovery journal for adults with ADHD where you can it has prompts and questions that you can ask yourself to dig deeper and in a more loving, kind way.
Speaker A:And that's also free on that same website.
Speaker A:Your ADHD E comic.
